月份：七月 2021

Learning from the following favorite words：

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As I listen to myself, I notice that the majority of my problematic emotions are the same every day. For example, one anxiety that pops up regularly concerns the daily to-do list that only seems to expand” will I be able to get through it? To understand and reduce the intensity of these recurring feeling, I have come up with a daily exercise： in the morning, I imagine sitting at a kitchen table. As each familiar thought or emotion such as anxiety or fear, shame or pride shows up, I offer it an imaginary seat. I have learned to welcome all customers, no one excluded. I seek to treat them as the old friends or acquaintances that they are. As the kitchen table fills up, I listen to the free-flowing conversation of feelings and thoughts

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Quote from <Getting to yes with yourself>

Learning from the following favorite words：

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Observation gives us the understanding of a scientist studying what a beetle looks like under a microscope, whereas listening gives you the understanding of what it feels like to be a beetle. You can benefit from both modalities together. Anthropologists have found that the best way to understand a foreign culture is to participate in actively and at the same time to maintain an outside observer’s perspective. I find this method, called participant observation, is equally useful when it comes to understanding ourselves.

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Quote from <Getting to yes with yourself>

Learning from the following favorite words：

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Optimism and confidence in negotiation emanate not only from a thorough examination of how the other side views things but also from a keen awareness of the conditions that surround the negotiation, Negotiations do not occur in a vacuum. They are influenced by such internal and external factors as time pressure, number of parties involved, proximity, and location.

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Quote from <The skilled negotiator>

Learning from the following favorite words：

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Self-judgment may be the greatest barrier to self-understanding. If we want to understand other human beings, there is no better way than to listen to them with empathy like a close friend would. If you wish to understand yourself, the same rule applies: listen with empathy. Instead of talking negatively to yourself, try to listen to yourself with respect and positive attention. Instead of judging yourself, accept yourself just as you are.

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Quote from <Getting to yes with yourself>

Learning from the following favorite words：

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Learning to observe yourself is simple, but not easy, particularly in conflicts. With practice, you get better and better. Ideally, the balcony is not just a place to visit from time to time, but rather a home base. In your interaction with others, you can learn to be on the stage enacting the drama while at the same time watching it form the balcony.

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Quote from <Getting to yes with yourself>

Learning from the following favorite words：

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Whenever you feel yourself triggered by a passing thought, emotion, or sensation, you have a simple choice: to identify or get identified. You can observe the thought and “identify” it. Or you can let yourself get caught up in the thought, in other words, “get identified” with it. Naming helps you identify so that you don’t get identified.

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Quote from <Getting to yes with yourself>

Learning from the following favorite words：

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In my teaching and writing, I emphasize the concept of going to the balcony. The balcony is a metaphor for a mental and emotional place of perspective, clam, and self-control. If life is a stage and we are all actors on that stage, then the balcony is a place from which we can see the entire play unfolding with greater clarity.

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Quote from <Getting to yes with yourself>

Learning from the following favorite words：

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An appropriate model need only:

1) acknowledge squarely the issue of unconscious bias;

2) recognize that bias encourages a dialectic of “our” values versus “their” values; and 

3) show Western-oriented negotiators how to identify common ground and speak in terms of shared values about doing business.

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Quote from <Rethinking Negotiation Teaching>

Learning from the following favorite words：

 “The negotiator must hold fast to the core principle: there is more that unites people than divides them. In the rhetoric of globalization specialists, we need not frame negotiations involving cultural values as the “clash of civilizations” argued by Samuel Huntington(Huntington 1996).

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Quote from <Rethinking Negotiation Teaching>

Learning from the following favorite words：

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Second， once in negotiation she seeks from all parties as much information as they are willing to share concerning the institutions, personages or customary ways of doing business that the business deal under consideration may affect. If initial rounds of active listening do not result in a well-rounded sense of the situation, the negotiator internally checks her background knowledge with what parties have stated( Shmueli, Warfield, and Kaufman 2009). If parties seem less than forthcoming with information, the negotiator’s background knowledge can lend more directness to her otherwise open-ended questioning. The Emphasis in active listening shifts slightly more towards the active; but it does not devolve into a cross-mode, she shares relevant portions of the perspectives she has gained thus far. She expresses concern and humble confusion about whether she understands. She invites their assistance to improve her grasp of the situations they confront on a daily basis.

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Quote from <Rethinking Negotiation Teaching>